I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

 

Police were called to a day-care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

 

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

 

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

 

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

 

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

 

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

 

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

 

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

 

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

 

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

 

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

 

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

 

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

 

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

 

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

 

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

 

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

 

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)